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Anyone who has ever worked in an office will know that hiding from a boss is hugely difficult. Factory workers usually have vast areas with many secret hiding places; outdoor workers have an entire planet to escape to; the self-employed simply don’t have to worry about angry bosses. Sadly, those destined to spend a lifetime in an office are exposed to the rantings of superiors on a daily basis. However, all hope is not lost; there are some places where even the most eagle-eyed of bosses will struggle to notice their terrified staff.

Calls of Nature

There is one place where refuge can be sought from venom-spitting bosses – the toilet. The mere mention of diarrhoea, menstruation or last night’s curry is enough to deter even Lord Sugar from a very public dressing down. Toilet-based emergencies are the Holy Grail of corporate evasion techniques, and they are still helping millions of office workers across the UK to get paid for doing very little.

The Cleaner’s Cupboard

Cleaner’s cupboards up and down the country are clandestine venues for illicit relationships, lazy workers and opponents of UK indoor smoking legislation. The difficulty, however, lies in finding an excuse to get into the cupboard in the first place. A particularly effective ruse involves the casual spilling of coffee; a dramatic act that should involve as much melodrama as possible. A conscientious employee is always concerned about maintaining a clean working environment, so a trip to the cleaner’s cupboard will be applauded by bosses and workers alike. Then, you can just sit back and relax, but be prepared to share your recreation space with wet mops and oily rags!

In Open View

There is an art to making yourself invisible without actually leaving the room. The sight of your boss approaching should be your signal to start mingling with colleagues in an officious and professional manner. For the best results, carry an important-looking document with you, and create a facial expression that suggests your work is far too important to be interrupted by a grilling from the boss.

The Art of Deception

There will be times when your boss makes an unexpected visit, and you simply don’t have time to make yourself scarce. The toilet is too far away, you have already spilled your coffee twice today and your have no one to mingle with. A calamitous situation such as this one calls for immediate action. Simply select a colleague’s desk, and pretend to be someone else! This strategy needs forward planning, however, so you may need to pack some different clothes, invest in some synthetic facial hair and work on a range of different accents.

The ability to hide in an office takes a great deal of time to perfect, but you will reap the rewards of evasion and work-avoidance by practising regularly.